And I Shall Be Remembered
by dammitspawk
Summary: After V-day Harry suffers a serious head injury that leaves him with a very precarious type of amnesia. Any reminder of his past life could make him go into shock. Eggsy knows visiting Harry could endanger his recovery, but he can't stand a life without seeing him. Will just one visit be enough, or will he keep visiting the man he loves who can't even remember his face?
1. Unexpected Visators

As Eggsy walked down the cobbled road the only noises in his ears were that of his oxfords hitting the wet stones and the violent patter of heavy rain on his umbrella. He carried on like that for quite a while before he heard Merlin's voice.

"I hope you're not going where I think you're going," the Scottish man spoke in his ear.

"I thought I was free for today. Why are you still monitoring me Merlin?"

"I had a feeling after today you might go and do something idiotic. I was right."

Eggsy sighed. It had been a difficult mission for him. Of course he was feeling lonely, of course he wanted someone to talk to. Of course there was _someone in particular_ he was missing.

"I'll only see him once I _promise_. And that's all. I won't talk to him either, just see him, then I'll go. Just this once." It sounded more like pleading than Eggsy liked to admit.

"You _know_ what the doctors said Galahad. He needs to recover without any triggers of his past life. It could jeopardize his recovery. Do you want that Eggsy?" Merlin's voice was authoritative as ever but it lacked a certain drive. He knew this battle was already lost for today.

"Merlin I _know,_ but I can't stand it! I know it's selfish but I need to see him. I promise it'll only be once," he repeated. Merlin sighed on the other end of the line.

"Don't be late tomorrow. You take after him more than I'd like."

After that Eggsy knew Merlin was gone. He had just reached his destination as well.

Holding his umbrella in one hand he reached up and took off his glasses before slipping them into his suit pocket. After he was knighted Merlin saw to it that they had several other suits made to fit him. Today he wore the light grey one with a pink tie.

As his came to a halt, Eggsy glanced up at the old but well taken care of building. Dark reddish brown bricks were covered in manicured ivy while pristine white painted wood surrounded windows and the main door.

Eggsy remembered screaming at Merlin when he'd explained they were putting him in a _care home_. Why couldn't he stay at the Kingsman HQ? Or his home and have caregivers come in? Anything would be better than leaving him surrounded by a bunch of strangers in a place that smelled like sick old people. Merlin went on to tell him the delicate situation his injury had put them in and that this really was the best option. After he was all screamed out and his throat painfully hoarse, Eggsy just felt an overwhelming sadness that weighed on his mind, heart and every limb. The dreary look of the care home in front of him and rain slipping down his umbrella to drop onto the cobbled drive underneath him illustrated that sadness painfully.

He took the final steps to the painted white doors and shook off his umbrella before walking fully inside. There immediately inside the doors was a small foyer with a wooden reception desk behind which sat a woman who's nametag that was pinned to her soft pink uniform shirt read " _Marie."_

"Hello sir, may I help you?" Her gentle voice wrapped in a Welsh accent asked.

"Yes," Eggsy began putting on his best posh accent, "I am here to see Harry Hart."

On a day like today, but for the rain, Harry would have enjoyed being out in the courtyard garden. He liked the flowers. Or at least he thought he did. He didn't know for sure if he had always liked flowers or he just now enjoyed the colour they brought to his otherwise boring life. In fact he didn't know anything for sure. Not even his name. They'd only _told_ him his name was Harry Hart after he had woken up in a bed in the Willenshire Hospice. That and not much else, only that his care was being paid for by some very rich people (whose identity again was a mystery to him), and that he had no family to speak of so he shouldn't expect any visitors. Which is why it was a surprise to hear a voice from behind him.

"Harry," the young man said. Harry turned from aimlessly staring out the window to facing his visitor. There was a silence as greenish-blue eyes appraised him in awe. After a moment and realizing the other wasn't going to say more Harry spoke.

"Do I know you?"

The young man's jaw tightened slightly before he shook his head.

"No, you don't. My name is E- Gary." Gary extended his hand. Harry shook it.

"You already seem to know my name. Still it is good to meet you, Gary. Is there a particular reason why you have come to see me?" Harry had hoped he'd been a relative or friend or at least _somebody_ who knew who he was and could give him some answers. Unfortunately this Gary, although he did know Harry's name and perhaps more than he was saying, seemed to be a man of few words.

"I am employed by the people who are paying for your stay. I just came to see how you were doing." His prim accent made him seem all business but there was something that was making him uneasy.

"I'd be doing a lot better is someone would tell me what the bloody hell is going on and _who I am._ " Harry's aggressive comment seemed to surprise Gary but he recovered quickly.

"I'm really sorry but I can't tell you anything. Because of the nature of your injury any premature revealing of any information of your previous life could-"

"'Send me into some sort of shock and ruin my recovery.' Yes I know, that's what they've been telling me," Harry finished before he continued babbling about Harry's 'delicate recovery process.' The words sounded rehearsed, for both of them.

"I really am sorry," Gary said, a sadness in his voice unmistakable. Perhaps there was someone out there that was worried about him. The thought stirred in Harry's chest.

"Yes well, there's nothing that either of us can do about it," the older man sighed.

"So," Gary started cautiously, "You really do remember nothing?"

"I remember waking up here, and a doctor telling me my name was Harry Hart, I had a severe brain injury and that was all he could tell me. That, and spending every day since here, with no visitors or contact with the outside world. Well until now."

"It could be worse," the younger man said with a joking tone, "you could be dead!"

"With my current situation, perhaps that would have been better." He didn't mean it, but he was so frustrated with the blank page that was his memory and the fact that no one would tell him anything.

Gary's tone had fallen flat and he returned to a serious stance.

"Well I'd better be off then. You probably won't see me here again, but it was good to see you recovering Harry."

With that the young man turned and began to walk back to the main doors. Harry turned back to face the drenched and drooping garden. Gary had said he wouldn't return but even though he couldn't tell Harry anything more than he already knew, it was a good change to have a visitor. The thought of someone out there missing him fluttered around his mind again. He hoped the young man was wrong.


	2. Deluge

It took all Eggsy had to hold back his tears until he got outside. He ran through the heavy downpour without even opening his umbrella, letting the cool drops soak through his suit and mask his tears.

He had thought reuniting with Harry would be different. That by some miracle after seeing Eggsy's face he'd remember him, that his memory would recover without any repercussions. That _somehow_ they'd be alright.

He should know better to expect another miracle. Wasn't _not_ losing Harry forever good enough?

No, he realized as he ran through the rain all the way home, trying to hold back his sobs. Not if it wasn't the same Harry. And the man he had just 'met' at the care home _wasn't_ his Harry.

Eggsy thought that seeing Harry alive and physically well would lighten the heavy weight that had set itself on his shoulders after his last mission. Instead the true reality of Harry having completely forgotten his life, _completely forgotten Eggsy_ , had just added to that weight until it broke his back and he came crashing to the ground.

As soon as he stepped past the threshold of his front door, he threw it closed behind him with a loud _bang_. Sloshing feet in drenched oxfords and cold drops dripping down the hair that had fallen in his face, he threw his still closed umbrella to the side and fell back against the door.

He sniffled, still containing his sobs before he realized that his mum had taken Daisy out to see a play tonight, not thinking Eggsy would be home until late again. A deluge of tears burst forth from his eyes as he finally allowed him self to cry out loud. Forceful choking sobs racked his body as he slid down the door and ended up in a wet mess at its foot.

He didn't know how long he'd been there by the time his tear ducts had dried out and his throat protested at every sound that came out of it. Rising slowly, he toed off is heavily water damaged oxfords and peeled down his soggy socks. He headed towards his room, tossing the socks in the laundry room door on his way. He couldn't care less right now if his mum yelled at him that he was too old to be leaving his clothes lying about. He was too old to be crying like a baby too.

By the time he had shrugged off his damp suit, undoing buttons and untying knots, he was too exhausted to even shower. His hair was stuck to his head like a deflated balloon but he couldn't muster the energy to even fix that. He found a pair of lightly used soft pajama trousers beside his bed and a hoodie from his dresser drawer and threw them on before collapsing on his bed.

He just wanted to sleep, to forget the events of the day and rest his exhausted body and tired mind. Unfortunately his exhaustion could not override the stuffiness of his sinuses or overactive brain. It played the memory of Harry asking, "Do I know you?" over and over again behind his eyelids, in his ears. The blank look of unrecognition in his eyes, the questioning and slight hope in his voice.

That was the moment Eggsy knew that this was a mistake. He should have never come. This was going to end with far more pain than relief.

A sob rose in his throat again, and in that moment he felt more alone than he had in years. Since his mom had married Dean and he turned out to be the shittiest stepfather anyone would never hope for, with no one to run to when he started abusing him and then his mother. He couldn't do this on his own. The last time he was in this much pain was when he'd watched Richmond Valentine pull a gun and with out a moment's notice squeeze the trigger, ending (at least he thought so then) the life of the man he loved.

He slid off his bed and griped around in his suit trousers until he found the pocket that he'd left his phone in. Without a second thought, he speed dialled 3.

It only took one ring for Roxy to pick up. She must be spending the evening alone and bored out of her mind, Eggsy learned that was the only time she picked up before ring 3. He felt a small sense of relief know he wasn't taking her from anything important. This wouldn't be a short chat.

"Eggsy," Roxy's chipper tone came from the other end of the line. She must have had the whole day off then.

"Hey Rox," Eggsy tried to make his voice even to mask the pinch in tone caused by his stubbornly stuffed nose and the gruff left behind by his sore throat. He couldn't fool her.

"Are you alright? You sound-"

"Yeah I- I'm 'kay," his voice cracked. There wasn't any point in hiding really, what even he didn't tell her she would figure out anyway.

"Something's wrong, don't bother hiding it. Tell me what is it," her kind but authoritative tone was enough to break down the meagre wall Eggsy had tried to build.

"I went to see Harry today…" He let silence fall before she spoke.

" _Eggsy_ , you know what that could do right?" She sounded more surprised than angry with him.

"But that's the point Rox! It didn't do anything! _He didn't even remember my face._ " Tears rolled down either cheek again as Eggsy sat heavily on his bed.

Roxy knew there was no point in berating him further, he was upset enough as it was. Besides what was done is done.

"Oh Eggsy. Tell me everything, from the beginning."

By the time Eggsy had gotten to the part where he actually saw Harry he was crying again. Roxy took it as any best friend would and tried to calm him down before encouraging him to continue. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered how he'd managed to get a friend like her.

"I know how hard this has been for you Eggsy, but right now we just need to give him time. We knew this would be a long process, but from what the doctors told Merlin there's a good chance he's going to recover fully. We just need to let him do it on his own." Under the circumstances, 40% _was_ a good chance. She left that part out.

"And now you've seen for yourself he's physically recovered! That's half the battle, and who knows, maybe his memories will come back quicker than you think!"

Eggsy sat silently as he listened. She was right. He had _known_ that Harry had no memory before he'd even gone into that place so they were no worse off than they were this morning. And he had looked healthy despite all he'd gone through. He just had to take her advice, and be patient.

"Yeah you're probably right. Nah, you're always right. I don't know why I don't listen to you more often Rox."

"Because you can be a stubborn pigheaded fool who thinks he's right most of the time," she joked. "You're just lucky that nine times out of ten you are."

He laughed at that. Maybe his great weapon scores and rank as one of the only Kingsman left to survive V-day had gone to his head a bit. He had been a bit quick to act on the last few missions concerning decisions that could have used a little more thought before action. He was just lucky they turned out okay. And that Merlin was too busy cleaning things up at HQ to yell at him after missions.

"Thank you Roxy." Eggsy said, his voice quieter now.

"What are friends for?" She became a bit more serious too. "He will get better Eggsy." _And you will have the chance to tell him how you really feel_ , she thought to herself. That would be another chat. Later, when this storm had passed.

The certainty in her tone made him feel a little lighter and the spark of hope was visible in his mind once more.

* * *

Shortly after he'd hung up with Roxy he heard his mum and sister return from their night out. It must have gotten later than he thought. He quickly jumped in the shower before his mum could come up and question him. He stayed under the warm waterfall for far longer than he needed to, until the warm started to turn cool.

His mum had put Daisy to bed and he heard the muffled sound of the television in the den. His stomach was empty but he couldn't bare the thought of going down to the kitchen and being forced to confront his mother. Even after the shower had washed away the tear tracks and cleared his sinuses he knew she could always tell when something was wrong with him and he couldn't go through explaining the day again. He dug in the dresser drawer like he had when he'd gotten home and found some clean pants, forgoing a shirt or even pajama bottoms, before climbing under his bed covers, asleep before his head hit the pillow.


End file.
